Time goes by. I keep reminding myself that I write this blog to help others. To help others by sharing my experiences. I guess my experiences could be separated into different realms of life. You have the love life, the work life, the family life, the spiritual life, well, maybe this could go on and on, but the point here is stating the obvious, that my life and your life are filled with complexity. I am always reminded of this when I hear someone make a flippant comment about a person. You just never know what one person is or has been through.
I guess since I last wrote, I have had some incredible situations occurred. One, well, I finally moved into the home I had been renovating. Maybe I shouldn’t say, “Had.” I am still having to work on the home, since my first contractor is now missing. Also, missing is a considerable sum of my money. My contractor, Eddie, wasn’t a particularly bad guy, he was tending to his elderly mother. I chose to believe him on this part of his life, but it could be completely bogus. However, I don’t think that Eddie could have kept up the charade for as long as he did. He just wasn’t that gifted of a liar, but he isn’t without his merit in dishonor. However, I understand the difficulties of caring for an elderly dying parent. Some people just don't hold up. So, today I have another contractor coming in today to finish the work. I kept waiting for Eddie to return my calls, but it took me a couple of weeks to know that Eddie is gone. To be honest, I think Eddie is in prison. Anyway, if you haven’t experience the joys of home remodeling, well, again I will say, “It isn’t like a 30-minute show on HGTV.” And since I took a vow of honesty, I can assure you there were plenty of nights where I sat on a fold out chair, listening to some old music, and drinking my fair share of wine in an unfinished house wondering when will this experience be over and how much more money is it going to take? Well, I moved a little early because in the month of May, I found out that I was to be laid off at the end of June. The idea of paying for two homes with one being completely remodeled and no pay check, well, again I found myself drinking a little too much wine at night. I have never not worked. I started working at age 15. To be 52 and have no job, well, I will be honest here, I am not as scared and unhappy as I should be. If anyone knows my story, the last three to four years have been hell. To take a moment to just “stop” and evaluate and project a new course into the future has been a good thing. I think I am going to get another job again. Until then I am a licensed Real Estate Broker, so I have something to fall back upon, and as luck would have it, I have people asking me to list property. I also do Virtual Tours for real estate. I enjoy doing them, it’s one of the few jobs you can do with creativity that has a beginning and an end as oppose to management that just keep continually going on and on. In my unemployment, I been thinking about the idea, “A beginning and an end”. And funny, I began to quit drinking wine. Cannot even imagine, but the end here is that wine reminds me of the time I was hurting from my divorce. Reminds me of the time as about trying to accept my homosexuality. It reminds me of the loneliness. It reminds me of the time how most of my friends and family left me. I don’t need wine anymore; I have come to a state of true acceptance. So, what am I trying to say here? I guess, as in most situations in life, that time truly heals everything. Believe me, at the time I didn’t believe that things would ever change. I believed I was sent to Hell. But, here is the secret, the door to Hell is wide open. I walked into Hell, but I have picked myself back up, and I have walked right back out. Not only have I walked out of Hell, but I am walking just a little bit taller. I have experienced a part of life that I never knew. I have seen parts of human nature, well, maybe I didn’t want to know. Most importantly, I come to know that happiness isn’t the avoidance of unhappiness.
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Christian Cantu
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December 2019
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